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More April jokes! These are from this thread, and are not anything like the intelligent ones I posted before. They are just stoopid. But, you know, in a funny way.
Q:Why are elephants Big, Gray, and Wrinkled?
A:Because if they were Small, White and Smooth they'd be Aspirin.
*****
What'd the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
a. Where the hell's my tractor?
*****
Q:Whats the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A:Grapes are purple and elephants are grey.
Q:What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill?
A: Look, Jane- here come the elephants.
Q:What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill wearing dark glasses?
A: Nothing; he didn't recognize them.
Q: What did Jane say when she say the elephants coming over the hill?
A: Jesus fucking Christ Tarzan! A bunch of grapes wearing dark glasses are coming over the hill! (she was colorblind).
*****
You have to be sure to space them out a bit and not tell them too close together or you'll ruin the effect of the 2nd one you tell...
Q:What is a foot long and slippery?
A: A Slipper!
Q:What is brown and sticky?
A: A Stick!
(it helps to shout the answer and laugh uncontrollably afterwards - at least that is what I always do...)
*****
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A f---ing stick!
*****
Man walks into psychiatrist's office wrapped in cellophane...shrink says "I can clearly see you're nuts"...
*****
Q: Where does a general keep his armies?
A: Up his sleevies.
*****
Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
A: Because they all have phones.
*****
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You got a drink named Steve?"
*****
Two sausages are in a frying pan. The first sausage says to the other one, "Boy, it sure is hot in here."
The other one says, "Holy shit - A TALKING SAUSAGE!"
*****
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh
*****
What goes "click, click, click, Is that it? click, click, click, Is that it?"?
- Stevie Wonder doing a Rubick's Cube!
*****
What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
*****
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
If they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.
Q:Why are elephants Big, Gray, and Wrinkled?
A:Because if they were Small, White and Smooth they'd be Aspirin.
*****
What'd the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
a. Where the hell's my tractor?
*****
Q:Whats the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A:Grapes are purple and elephants are grey.
Q:What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill?
A: Look, Jane- here come the elephants.
Q:What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill wearing dark glasses?
A: Nothing; he didn't recognize them.
Q: What did Jane say when she say the elephants coming over the hill?
A: Jesus fucking Christ Tarzan! A bunch of grapes wearing dark glasses are coming over the hill! (she was colorblind).
*****
You have to be sure to space them out a bit and not tell them too close together or you'll ruin the effect of the 2nd one you tell...
Q:What is a foot long and slippery?
A: A Slipper!
Q:What is brown and sticky?
A: A Stick!
(it helps to shout the answer and laugh uncontrollably afterwards - at least that is what I always do...)
*****
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A f---ing stick!
*****
Man walks into psychiatrist's office wrapped in cellophane...shrink says "I can clearly see you're nuts"...
*****
Q: Where does a general keep his armies?
A: Up his sleevies.
*****
Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
A: Because they all have phones.
*****
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You got a drink named Steve?"
*****
Two sausages are in a frying pan. The first sausage says to the other one, "Boy, it sure is hot in here."
The other one says, "Holy shit - A TALKING SAUSAGE!"
*****
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh
*****
What goes "click, click, click, Is that it? click, click, click, Is that it?"?
- Stevie Wonder doing a Rubick's Cube!
*****
What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
*****
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
If they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.
