austin_tycho | Dave Matthews: for world peace.

Dave solves the world's problems... (thanks to Weekly Davespeak)

April 25th, 2005
"In the war-torn country of Rwanda and thereabouts, there are these apes that live there, and they thought for the longest time that they were just like, chimps. But no, no, they're not. They're very different. Those that need to take a peek in agreement. No, these, these, ah.

Shut up man! Um. The likelihood of my playing what you scream for when I'm saying something that I feel is important, and then you interrupt me, is growing smaller and smaller by moment. I tell you. A look. I appreciate it, but look. Let me finish this goddamn story about the monkeys, and then it'll be over.

Anyway, so these bonobos, they find out they're not the same, and that these monkeys aren't like chimps. They look so cute, and you know, in Clint Eastwood movies and stuff. They're actually ass-kickers. They will kick the crap out of someone. And then they have little wars and stuff with different little gangs or whatever they call them. Troops or possies, maybe. I don't know what the hell they call them. Gangs or whatever. I don't know what they call them. They're like the Irish, they hang together and beat the shit out of each other.

Anyway, so, but, these bonobo, when they have a disagreement, like if two female bonobos have a disagreement, they don't like, eat the other one's baby. They just, they just go, they have oversized genetalia, you see. Then they go over, they get into some G-G love. That's what they call it. Or G-G rubbing maybe. Maybe G-G rubbing. And they go and they rub all up on each other. They get, they get tangled. And then, I was watching this, I was watching this one thing on TV about the bonobos, a great book a friend of mine gave to me, but I also was watching this special on the bonobos, and this, and this one guy was proudly standing, the guy bonobo, was standing there with a banana, and he's got his banana, and he's all psyched, "I've got a banana." He's also got a hard... he's also got a boner, an erection. But then this female says, I want, you know, I want, she thinks to herself, I guess, "I want the banana." She doesn't go over, like clock him with a log, and then take his banana. She goes over and just services him, and takes the banana.

We got, we got some resolution things that we can work on, here, if we study the bonobos, maybe we can work something out. You know, people wouldn't kill each other over parking spots anymore. They just get down in the backseat. If that's the way we did it, you know, that'd be awesome."