(no subject)

[austin_tycho]

burgundy asked me the following interesting questions...

1) What item/feeling/phenomenon that currently doesn't have its own word is most deserving of one? Why, and what should it be called? (Think sniglet).
That centered, mellow, Zen-like feeling that isn't just centered, isn't necessarily mellow (which is sort of stoner-sounding, and it might be more active and energized that mellow) and might or might not actually be Zen, because I don't really know much about Zen Buddhism. I get into that grove sometimes when I'm waling around outside, and feel like I could keep walking and soaking up nature for hours. Maybe it's zmellow. Which rhymes with yellow, which already has enough things that rhyme with it. So I will call it zorange.

2) How does it feel knowing that, on superficial inspection, you are to the eyes of the world a Respectable Adult (married, gainfully employed, home-owning)?
That amuses the hell out of me. I guess it's because I don't feel like a grown-up in a lot of ways. I feel like an undercover agent in suburbia. Wow, I think I have a new journal title.

3) How does it feel knowing that, on closer inspection, you are to the eyes of many in the world Evil Incarnate (Wiccan, pot-smoking, D&D player, etc)?
I try to put a smiley, balanced, grounded, ethical face on it. Living by example and all that. So when someone realizes I'm these things maybe they'll go 'but they seem so nice! Maybe the propaganda isn't true!' I don't have a clue how well it's working, however.

4) What is, or has been, the hardest thing in your life to let go of?
I think when I got dumped by the Evil Ex, letting go of the fantasy in my head of the life I thought I had ahead of me, as his partner. Even for months after we broke up there was a part of me that thought he might wake up and realize what an idiot he was being to abandon my obvious greatness (low self esteem doesn't mean you can't have a big head) and come running back. That had actually worked for me once with the first great love of my life, and I eventually dumped him. Not so with Evil Ex; when he was gone, he was really gone. I had really invested a lot of time and energy into that relationship, and no matter what I did, it was irrevocably broken. It took me a couple of years to climb out of that hole. But it was worth it. I had help (the usual divine interventions everyone has, and a good fuck-buddy) so while I grew a lot and learned a lot, I'm also grateful for the assists.

5) Where do you fall on the pet-owner continuum? There are people for whom their pets are exactly the status and role of children, people for whom they're basically animated toys, and the whole spectrum of people in the middle. I know you take really good care of them, and have put a lot of time and energy into them, but in your head, what are they to you?
Much closer to the kid side of things, though I know they will always stay stupid and I'm also having to deal with them as they get older and break down, which you generally don't have to do with your kids. I can't ever hope to connect with them intellectually, but I love them (my cats) to pieces and when they eventually shuffle off I will be heartbroken and probably have to take a few days off work to sit in a corner curled up in a ball sobbing. The fish are closer to animated toys, though I like to think of them as happy and I do get sad when they croak (and hate when I have to kill them). I even feel the same way about plants to a lesser extent. But I feel responsible for all of them, and would never abandon them for being inconvenient. I will only hope to help them die easily when the time comes. I've never been involved in that decision process (with a cat), and I am not looking forward to it. They all have very distinct personalities and souls, as far as I'm concerned.