austin_tycho | (no subject)

Someone asked "why marry? tell me why people should marry each other." which gave me something to think about in bed this morning.

I'm guessing the question is more like 'why do people marry' because who's to say who 'should.' But basically, they marry because they want to. Why they want to varies. Some of the reasons are good, some are not. Most of them are matters of opinion, though there are definite practical advantages (ask any of the gay couples who've wanted to get on their SO's insurance or visit them in a hospital or what-have-you; and boy car insurance sure is cheaper). But the matters of opinion run along the same veins as 'why do people paint their toenails' or 'why do people set giant wooden monkeys on fire' or even 'why do people have children'; you can argue with them, but it's like arguing over a taste for jazz or garlic- it's usually futile to argue with opinions. If you want to do any of these things, you don't necessarily need a logical reason- and if you don't want to do it, there's no reason that will make sense. Of course you can have your own opinions about how well-thought out someone's decision is; 'I want to get married because that's what you do when you grow up' or 'I want to get married because our relationship is in trouble and this will strengthen it' are IMHO stupid reasons to get married. But there are good ones too.

I like backing up my words with actions. I think I could tie it into the P-J scale on the Myers-Briggs, but I could just as easily say it's because of all the fixed signs in my birthchart. When I decided I didn't want to have kids, I got my tubes tied even though I wasn't even dating anyone at the time. When I knew I loved the guy I ended up marrying and wanted to be with him for the long haul, getting married seemed a good way to show it.

It also seemed like the next logical progression in our relationship. I didn't think it would but getting married did make a difference. Sure that could be a cultural thing, but I am a part of this culture. It felt like another way to grow closer, and to show the other guy that growing closer was something I wanted to continue to do (and be shown it myself too).

I'm also a big lover of rituals; rituals to recognize something like the squooshy love between two people are fun. They allow the couple (or triple or number o' your choice) to declare their commitment (whatever it may be) in front of their community, their family, and their gods. And it allows all of those to celebrate that union with that couple, like you would celebrate a birthday. Birthdays are like "Hooray for me!" events so weddings (and anniversaries, to a lesser extent) are "Hooray for us!" events.

Of course, you can have any of this stuff without getting married (except the practical stuff in many cases), but marriage ties a lot of it together in one convenient institution. It's not something I think everyone should do by any means, and I don't look down at people that shack up and never get married. But I sure enjoy the heck out of being married even when I still occasionally refer to hub as my boyfriend. :)