(no subject)

[austin_tycho]

I have uncovered the conspiracy whereby the American government makes sure we keep making more Americans to fuel the evil plutocracy. The clue that unraveled it all came from here:

So I was thinking the other day about reasons to have children.

And this is a stupid activity. If there is any evidence that our ability to plan and reason is going to eventually knock us clean out of the evolutionary sweepstakes, it is that our ability to evaluate whether to breed and perpetuate ourselves makes us realize what a bad deal the process is.

Even just a few short decades ago, there was one simple, undeniable reason to have kids: “Ooh. I sure do like to fuck.” And you did, and a few years later you ended up with something you could train to haul sacks of oats. You had it because you had no choice, and then you put it to work.

This is what we refer to as the good old days.

But now birth control gives us the ability to have sex without fear. And a combination of child labor laws and their desire to move thousands of miles away from us at the nearest possible opportunity steal our ability to get any productive work out of them.

So stupid smart thinking people have to come up with actual reasons to have them. And, unfortunately, all reasons to have children are either delusional or selfish. Or, in the case of, “I want to give my child my values so it can make the world a better place,” both.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking. And here is my current best (if selfish) reason to have children:

Enthusiasm Is Contagious

Cordelia is obsessed with bubbles. She says it all the time to us. “Buh-bull.” She wants us to blow bubbles for her. And she wants to taste the soap mixture, as she seems to feel it is delicious.

So I blow bubbles for her, and not just because I don’t want her to scream. I blow bubbles because, it turns out, blowing bubbles is kind of fun. This surprises me because, just a month ago, I would have felt that enjoying blowing bubbles could only be entertaining in two circumstances. One, if you had at some point earlier in your life, spent a catastrophically long time without oxygen. Two, if it was part of some exotic trick by a Bangkok lady performer.

But I enjoy blowing bubbles right now. Why? Because Cordelia’s ecstatic enthusiasm is contagious. There is something about being around someone who gets wild enjoyment from asinine things, like kicking a ball, or having a towel on your face, or Halloween, that makes some of the enjoyment rub off. You get to see tiresome things with new eyes.

Of course, that is one possibility for why I enjoy blowing bubbles. The other possibility is that having children turns you into a retard. I am willing to grant that that may be the case. I may be simple now. But it’s a reasonably content sort of simple.

It's all so obvious now... the other thing that makes you appreciate retarded things is smoking a big bag of reefer. Therefore, the government bans it so we will continue to make babies to share enthusiasm with, and buy useless junk from Toys R Us and 'Aladdin 2' videos to keep the economy going. It also tries to prevent us from having sex with plastic. But it won't work, I tells ya! Down with The Man!

Comments

[starcrossedlady.livejournal.com]

so we will continue to make babies to share enthusiasm with, and buy useless junk from Toys R Us and 'Aladdin 2' videos to keep the economy going

and of course, there are those of us who cackle wildly at the Joneses, while making cozy warm scarves and cute stuffed animals for our walking gene pools.

and ok, we get the Pirates of the Carribean DVD, but because that was also a kickbutt movie that's fun and twisted for the whole family (evil monkey aside)

;)

[mielikki.livejournal.com]

Mwaahahahaha! Stick it to The Man!

Besides, I could probably name a dozen childless adults that are gonna get PotC also; that's different. :*