austin_tycho | (no subject)

Here is an excellent entry about communication by

fenwickrysen. After going through hell in my last major relationship before the one I'm in now, I think I learned a lot about communication (i.e., that it works) and seeing so many relationships out there with poor communication... well, I feel pretty lucky. And smug. Smug and lucky, isn't that irritating? I will try not to be guilty of too much hubris. After listening to the Canadian sex talk lady plough through so many phone calls where she basically said 'you need to talk to your partner to fix this problem' and then a friend who has a crush on a married co-worker (but still loves her husband), it's amazing how so many seem to be so afraid to talk to each other.

Me, I'm afraid of dying. It's not so much that I sit in fear at home, refusing to drive or do anything risky. But it's one of those things that keeps me up at night thinking. Someday, I- Me- Stacy- will dissolve away into nothing. Then I won't be here anymore. Maybe it will happen suddenly- before the day is out, there could be no more Stacy. People would be sad for awhile, but the world will keep going after I'm gone. Maybe I have the beginnings of an illness inside of me that I'm not even aware of that will eventually kill me after a long drawn-out wasting away illness. Sure, I have speculations about what will happen when I die, but I don't have much faith that I actually know, or that anyone else does for that matter. The going theory lately is that all my experiences will go into the Big Pool of Experiences out there somewhere like the Library of Congress, where everything is stored but is any of it used? Is any of it significant? Is there any of me that will really last after I go? That's what I'm afraid of. I guess it's a check and balance of a sort- I love being alive so much because things in my life are generally going so well (I've finally arrived!) that I worry that it'll all go away someday, and I'll have no way of knowing how or when.