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Scars are all healed up; I'm still trying to improve on the deconditioning/low energy thing that is, I assume, a result of the surgery recovery, and the three months preceding it when I was working full-time at a job I'd grown to hate and stopped most of my exercising.
I have a torn meniscus from a combination of a rollerblading accident many years ago and fifty-odd years of wear and tear. I've been doing physical therapy for it since shortly after the surgery at the end of June. The meniscus is the pillow of cartilage in your knee joint. Knee injuries really suck! Sometimes I have to use a cane, which I haaaaate. The ortho doc said she wanted to see how physical therapy went before deciding if surgery would be helpful. Meniscuseseses don't heal by themselves; they're made out of twangy stuff that doesn't really fix itself. Surgery seems to mostly involve 'trimming' (DO NOT WANT, it means removing part of it and my reglear doc warned me off of that) but in certain situations, possibly sewing it back together. The PT guy said he wants me to do a few more sessions of PT and then we'll talk to the ortho doc again. I've improved my strength around the knee but there's room for more improvement, both of strength, and range of motion. Joel tells me my NFL punting career is over.
During my recent trip which was going to have a lot of walking and hiking in it, I realized that I have about a mile to a mile and a half limit. In addition to the knee problems, there's the energy level. And I can do my mile and a half in one run or in bits, but once I hit that limit I am absolutely, call an Uber, done-zo. Pushing this doesn't seem to be improving things. I'm still trying to figure out the middle ground between doing nothing and pushing things.
Other cancer stuff- the scars don't restrict movement much; I kayaked 6 miles on that trip without a hitch. But I haven't gotten used to my new body yet. I wasn't consciously aware of the notion I apparently held that all I had to keep my old fat self attractive anymore was some titties, and now that these are gone it emphasizes my belly, and I have the profile of an old white guy with a big beer belly. I feel really ugly sometimes, because I still have enough sex drive that I kind of have to care about how attractive I am to straight men. The closest body shape I've seen to my own is Godzilla- Godzilla has no titties and a great big booty. I'm trying to embrace my Godzilla body. It's a work in progress.
The cancer drug I'm taking has hoovered out every last bit of estrogen I may have had floating around in my system, and potential side effects of this are many. The biggest one I've noticed is that it's robbed me of the ability to regulate my body temperature. You know those jokes about old ladies always being too hot or too cold? That's me now. If I'm a little chilly, it seems like I get colder and colder until I'm huddled under a blanket shivering. Then when I start to warm up, my body goes all the way in the other direction and I'm covered in sweat and throwing all the covers/most of my clothes off. I guess this is what hot flashes are, and I seem to have them when I'm trying to go to sleep almost every night, and they're stupid and I hate them. I'm aware that some people have a much worse time with these meds, so that perspective helps a little. I realize that "It could be worse" is not the best coping skill, but it's what's working for me right now, so we're running with that for now. For one thing, it could tank my sex drive and dry up my vagina to a barren desert, but that's not happened so far. Fingers crossed! Even though having the sex drive means I have to care about my appearance as detailed above. It's all a mixed bag.
Wow, this seems like it's a big bummer post! I'm doing some kind of exercise every day, and have started on some strength training too. It's not instantly fixing things, but I didn't instantly get to where I am now either so I'm trying to be patient with myself. Bodies are wonderful and gross and miraculous and frustrating and amazing.
I have a torn meniscus from a combination of a rollerblading accident many years ago and fifty-odd years of wear and tear. I've been doing physical therapy for it since shortly after the surgery at the end of June. The meniscus is the pillow of cartilage in your knee joint. Knee injuries really suck! Sometimes I have to use a cane, which I haaaaate. The ortho doc said she wanted to see how physical therapy went before deciding if surgery would be helpful. Meniscuseseses don't heal by themselves; they're made out of twangy stuff that doesn't really fix itself. Surgery seems to mostly involve 'trimming' (DO NOT WANT, it means removing part of it and my reglear doc warned me off of that) but in certain situations, possibly sewing it back together. The PT guy said he wants me to do a few more sessions of PT and then we'll talk to the ortho doc again. I've improved my strength around the knee but there's room for more improvement, both of strength, and range of motion. Joel tells me my NFL punting career is over.
During my recent trip which was going to have a lot of walking and hiking in it, I realized that I have about a mile to a mile and a half limit. In addition to the knee problems, there's the energy level. And I can do my mile and a half in one run or in bits, but once I hit that limit I am absolutely, call an Uber, done-zo. Pushing this doesn't seem to be improving things. I'm still trying to figure out the middle ground between doing nothing and pushing things.
Other cancer stuff- the scars don't restrict movement much; I kayaked 6 miles on that trip without a hitch. But I haven't gotten used to my new body yet. I wasn't consciously aware of the notion I apparently held that all I had to keep my old fat self attractive anymore was some titties, and now that these are gone it emphasizes my belly, and I have the profile of an old white guy with a big beer belly. I feel really ugly sometimes, because I still have enough sex drive that I kind of have to care about how attractive I am to straight men. The closest body shape I've seen to my own is Godzilla- Godzilla has no titties and a great big booty. I'm trying to embrace my Godzilla body. It's a work in progress.
The cancer drug I'm taking has hoovered out every last bit of estrogen I may have had floating around in my system, and potential side effects of this are many. The biggest one I've noticed is that it's robbed me of the ability to regulate my body temperature. You know those jokes about old ladies always being too hot or too cold? That's me now. If I'm a little chilly, it seems like I get colder and colder until I'm huddled under a blanket shivering. Then when I start to warm up, my body goes all the way in the other direction and I'm covered in sweat and throwing all the covers/most of my clothes off. I guess this is what hot flashes are, and I seem to have them when I'm trying to go to sleep almost every night, and they're stupid and I hate them. I'm aware that some people have a much worse time with these meds, so that perspective helps a little. I realize that "It could be worse" is not the best coping skill, but it's what's working for me right now, so we're running with that for now. For one thing, it could tank my sex drive and dry up my vagina to a barren desert, but that's not happened so far. Fingers crossed! Even though having the sex drive means I have to care about my appearance as detailed above. It's all a mixed bag.
Wow, this seems like it's a big bummer post! I'm doing some kind of exercise every day, and have started on some strength training too. It's not instantly fixing things, but I didn't instantly get to where I am now either so I'm trying to be patient with myself. Bodies are wonderful and gross and miraculous and frustrating and amazing.
