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I posted this to Facebook, where I'm otherwise trying *not* to be one more source of anxiety with news and op-eds about how awful it all is. I do this by posting shit like YouTube videos and silly shit.
Taking a break from the usual fluff I try to post, I had an aha moment with regards to the ongoing shitshow and mental health. Everyone copes differently and everyone has different needs, but maybe this will help someone who has a touch of the anxious control freak like me. Much as I try to mitigate it, that facet is always there, a low hum that if it stopped it would make the loudest noise, you know? Anyway, my life hasn't changed a lot since this started, so I wondered why this is so draining for me. Like, I have so many fewer spoons, and I think I have an idea of why. It's the fear of the unknown, the lack of control. I binge on news so I can feel prepared, come up with the thousand most likely worst-case scenarios and mentally prepare for each one of them.
That takes up some resources, right? And my expectations are absolutely destroyed. Not that any grand plans have been disrupted, but my assumption that my going out whenever I wanted without a thought, there's plentiful paper towels, I don't have to visualize virusy glitter on every food package, doorknob, and floating in the air every time I decide if I want to go out or order delivery existence is quickly receding in the distance. And I haven't found my equilibrium yet, because I'm having a difficult time staying grounded.
Okay, I'm sort of all over the place here, but here's the short version- everything is changing and nothing feels predictable and that's really challenging for me and maybe for you.
We will get through this. It's cold and rainy, but I think I'm just going to bundle up and take a walk through the greenery.
Taking a break from the usual fluff I try to post, I had an aha moment with regards to the ongoing shitshow and mental health. Everyone copes differently and everyone has different needs, but maybe this will help someone who has a touch of the anxious control freak like me. Much as I try to mitigate it, that facet is always there, a low hum that if it stopped it would make the loudest noise, you know? Anyway, my life hasn't changed a lot since this started, so I wondered why this is so draining for me. Like, I have so many fewer spoons, and I think I have an idea of why. It's the fear of the unknown, the lack of control. I binge on news so I can feel prepared, come up with the thousand most likely worst-case scenarios and mentally prepare for each one of them.
That takes up some resources, right? And my expectations are absolutely destroyed. Not that any grand plans have been disrupted, but my assumption that my going out whenever I wanted without a thought, there's plentiful paper towels, I don't have to visualize virusy glitter on every food package, doorknob, and floating in the air every time I decide if I want to go out or order delivery existence is quickly receding in the distance. And I haven't found my equilibrium yet, because I'm having a difficult time staying grounded.
Okay, I'm sort of all over the place here, but here's the short version- everything is changing and nothing feels predictable and that's really challenging for me and maybe for you.
We will get through this. It's cold and rainy, but I think I'm just going to bundle up and take a walk through the greenery.
