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I have opinions!
Nov. 19th, 2017 03:05 pmSo, first go read this (if you can):
https://fetlife.com/users/4832168/posts/4754807
Now, let me tell you about a problem I have. I'm not sure why this is a problem, but I suspect it has something to do with many of the issues addressed in the above essay.
Alright. I have opinions. I have strong opinions. About plenty of things- Daylight Savings Time, flag design, whether Pluto is a planet, and of course personal things, like food and what I like in the sack. I'm pretty good at letting people I'm with know what those opinions are.
The problem comes when one assumes that my opinion is my demand. This is mostly an issue with people who aren't familiar with my style of communication, but even people who've known me all my life think "has an opinion" means "has to have it my way". My father calls me Ramrod, which I think makes an unfair assumption that since I have an opinion I'm going to jam it down your throat- and I suspect this has something to do with the fact that I have a vagina. Women aren't supposed to flatly express opinions, they're supposed to hint, to imply, to make you think it was your idea. I didn't come installed with that.
As a result, if I'm not careful, it seems easy for someone to figure my expressed opinion is me Laying Down the Law. I somehow convey an inflexibility that I don't intend. Hey, I like orange, but if all you have is cherry, that's fine. I'm even fine with raspberry, though I have an opinion about the marketing gods deciding that the color that should be used to represent it is a bright turquoise blue, which I might mention but purely for entertainment purposes, not to shame you for your choice of jello shot flavors or whatever.
Maybe it's my delivery. But it's frustrating, and apparently not an isolated issue based on the above essay, that asserting yourself gets you labeled 'alpha', which carries all sorts of assumptions about your personality. I mean, it's fine if you're an alpha, but I am not. I don't even think I'm demanding or particularly pushy.
Look, I know how life works. You can't always get what you want. But you have a lot better chance of getting what you want if you ask for it. And if the answer is no, it's no, and I'm a big girl, I can deal with that. More likely, the answer is "Yes, except for..." or "No, but what about..." and I am delighted to go there. Me expressing what I want is not me telling you what you must give me, else I'll take my ball and go home. It's my simple and occasionally graceless way of opening negotiations so that we can both get our needs met. Engage me, I promise I won't be a jerk about it!
Unless we're talking about celery because fuck celery.
https://fetlife.com/users/4832168/posts/4754807
Now, let me tell you about a problem I have. I'm not sure why this is a problem, but I suspect it has something to do with many of the issues addressed in the above essay.
Alright. I have opinions. I have strong opinions. About plenty of things- Daylight Savings Time, flag design, whether Pluto is a planet, and of course personal things, like food and what I like in the sack. I'm pretty good at letting people I'm with know what those opinions are.
The problem comes when one assumes that my opinion is my demand. This is mostly an issue with people who aren't familiar with my style of communication, but even people who've known me all my life think "has an opinion" means "has to have it my way". My father calls me Ramrod, which I think makes an unfair assumption that since I have an opinion I'm going to jam it down your throat- and I suspect this has something to do with the fact that I have a vagina. Women aren't supposed to flatly express opinions, they're supposed to hint, to imply, to make you think it was your idea. I didn't come installed with that.
As a result, if I'm not careful, it seems easy for someone to figure my expressed opinion is me Laying Down the Law. I somehow convey an inflexibility that I don't intend. Hey, I like orange, but if all you have is cherry, that's fine. I'm even fine with raspberry, though I have an opinion about the marketing gods deciding that the color that should be used to represent it is a bright turquoise blue, which I might mention but purely for entertainment purposes, not to shame you for your choice of jello shot flavors or whatever.
Maybe it's my delivery. But it's frustrating, and apparently not an isolated issue based on the above essay, that asserting yourself gets you labeled 'alpha', which carries all sorts of assumptions about your personality. I mean, it's fine if you're an alpha, but I am not. I don't even think I'm demanding or particularly pushy.
Look, I know how life works. You can't always get what you want. But you have a lot better chance of getting what you want if you ask for it. And if the answer is no, it's no, and I'm a big girl, I can deal with that. More likely, the answer is "Yes, except for..." or "No, but what about..." and I am delighted to go there. Me expressing what I want is not me telling you what you must give me, else I'll take my ball and go home. It's my simple and occasionally graceless way of opening negotiations so that we can both get our needs met. Engage me, I promise I won't be a jerk about it!
Unless we're talking about celery because fuck celery.
