(no subject)

I may have made references in past entries to my Evil Ex. I dated him for 5 years- from the middle of my sophomore year in college or so until about the time I got my first computer. I met him through a friend who was running a Dungeons and Dragons game- EE was one of the other players. I loved him as intensely as a chick in her 20's can love someone. We got engaged and everything, then it turned out he'd cheated on me (a lot- like with a former co-worker for over 2 year) so we split up. Badly. For the longest time when I'd drive by where he works (where tsarina works, coincidentally) I'd snarl and fume, shake my fist, gnash my teeth, and generally think very uncharitable thoughts towards him.

Well, it's been awhile. There's been occasions when I've thought that it might possibly be nice to get to know him as a friend, especially now that I don't want to kill him. We did have a lot of fun together as friends- for instance, he and his friends invented a variation of the board game 'Risk' that was lots of fun. I don't remember how to play it. D&D was lots of fun too. So sometimes I wonder if I should try to get in touch with him in a friendly way. The last time I really spoke to him, he was coming over to ask if I wanted to be in another D&D campaign, but I had realized just then that I couldn't be in the same room with him without wanting to strangle the shit out of him. Not being especially good at recognizing anger back then, it had taken me awhile- plus, he'd mentioned in passing that he was moving in with his girlfriend at the time, which was the final death-blow to my pathetic hopes that we still might be able to work things out someday (blush).

It's a lot of water under the bridge, I guess (whatever the hell that means) and I'm rather proud of myself that I could even consider relating to him in a way that didn't involve violence. It's been a long time. I don't think I'll ever forgive what happened, but maybe I've started to unload some of the hatred.