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Let's talk about stress. In Emily and Amelia Nagoski's book 'Burnout' (which I highly recommend to anyone who wants some insight into how to manage anxiety- the book is aimed at women, and most people think about 'burnout' in relation to jobs, but if I had the money I'd give a copy of this to just about everyone I know), she breaks down how the brain reacts to stress, and gives all sorts of pointers and hacks. The section I'm looking at today talks about how to tell when you need some self-care right now.
"Your brain and body exhibit predictable signs when your stress level is elevated, and these serve as reliable cues that indicate you need to deal with the stress itself before you can be effective in dealing with the stressor." She lists them, then goes on to say "The good news is that the stress is not the problem. The problem is that the strategies that deal with the stressors have almost no relationships to the strategies that deal with the physiological reactions our bodies have to those stressors. To be "well" is not to live in a state of perpetual safety and calm, but to move fluidly from a state of adversity, risk, adventure, or excitement, back to safety and calm, and out again. Stress is not bad for you; *being stuck* is bad for you. Wellness happens when your body is a place of safety for you, even when your body is not necessarily in a safe place. You can be well, even during those times when you don't feel good."
So how do you know it's time to deal with the stress?
1. "You notice yourself doing the same, apparently pointless thing over and over again, or engaging in self-destructive behavior." Checking and rechecking, picking, obsessing, fidgeting. It's a sign your brain is stuck.
2. Over-reacting. You're overwhelmed, and something pokes you in just the wrong way, and you lose your shit. "It's out of proportion to what's happening in the here and now, but it's not out of proportion to the suffering you're holding inside."
3. Hiding. Hiding in bed, hiding in front of the TV, hiding from your life. You're a bunny the fox chased under the hedge, and you're going to stay under that safe hedge until the end of time. Believe me, I know the feeling.
4. "Your body feels out of whack." Chronic pain, frequent illness, injuries healing slowly or not at all, recurring infections. "Because stress is not "just stress", but a biological event that really happens inside your body, it can cause biological problems that really happen inside your body but can't always be explained with obvious diagnoses." (As an aside- heaven forbid that you should be overweight; chances are good that if you go to your doctor about any of these problems and have an undesirable BMI, your doctor will tell you to lose some weight and be done with you. But clearly that's another rant for another time.)
If you spot any of these signs, you have my permission to drop whatever you're doing and take care of yourself. Put your oxygen mask on yourself, whatever that looks like. The book has tips, but you know best what sort of self-care is the most healing and helpful for you.
A lot of us are like cats. We hide what stress is doing to us until we physically can't hide it anymore. I don't do this intentionally, but that doesn't make it any less of a surprise to my spouse, my friends, or myself when my body grabs me by the collar and says "HEY, WE NEED A BREAK AND WE NEED IT YESTERDAY!!!" I hear you. Finally, I hear you.
artwork
book
Let's talk about stress. In Emily and Amelia Nagoski's book 'Burnout' (which I highly recommend to anyone who wants some insight into how to manage anxiety- the book is aimed at women, and most people think about 'burnout' in relation to jobs, but if I had the money I'd give a copy of this to just about everyone I know), she breaks down how the brain reacts to stress, and gives all sorts of pointers and hacks. The section I'm looking at today talks about how to tell when you need some self-care right now.
"Your brain and body exhibit predictable signs when your stress level is elevated, and these serve as reliable cues that indicate you need to deal with the stress itself before you can be effective in dealing with the stressor." She lists them, then goes on to say "The good news is that the stress is not the problem. The problem is that the strategies that deal with the stressors have almost no relationships to the strategies that deal with the physiological reactions our bodies have to those stressors. To be "well" is not to live in a state of perpetual safety and calm, but to move fluidly from a state of adversity, risk, adventure, or excitement, back to safety and calm, and out again. Stress is not bad for you; *being stuck* is bad for you. Wellness happens when your body is a place of safety for you, even when your body is not necessarily in a safe place. You can be well, even during those times when you don't feel good."
So how do you know it's time to deal with the stress?
1. "You notice yourself doing the same, apparently pointless thing over and over again, or engaging in self-destructive behavior." Checking and rechecking, picking, obsessing, fidgeting. It's a sign your brain is stuck.
2. Over-reacting. You're overwhelmed, and something pokes you in just the wrong way, and you lose your shit. "It's out of proportion to what's happening in the here and now, but it's not out of proportion to the suffering you're holding inside."
3. Hiding. Hiding in bed, hiding in front of the TV, hiding from your life. You're a bunny the fox chased under the hedge, and you're going to stay under that safe hedge until the end of time. Believe me, I know the feeling.
4. "Your body feels out of whack." Chronic pain, frequent illness, injuries healing slowly or not at all, recurring infections. "Because stress is not "just stress", but a biological event that really happens inside your body, it can cause biological problems that really happen inside your body but can't always be explained with obvious diagnoses." (As an aside- heaven forbid that you should be overweight; chances are good that if you go to your doctor about any of these problems and have an undesirable BMI, your doctor will tell you to lose some weight and be done with you. But clearly that's another rant for another time.)
If you spot any of these signs, you have my permission to drop whatever you're doing and take care of yourself. Put your oxygen mask on yourself, whatever that looks like. The book has tips, but you know best what sort of self-care is the most healing and helpful for you.
A lot of us are like cats. We hide what stress is doing to us until we physically can't hide it anymore. I don't do this intentionally, but that doesn't make it any less of a surprise to my spouse, my friends, or myself when my body grabs me by the collar and says "HEY, WE NEED A BREAK AND WE NEED IT YESTERDAY!!!" I hear you. Finally, I hear you.
artwork
book
