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I was among a group of people who were talking about relationship dynamics. One person said that when someone says "I love you" to him, he replies "Thank you" most times. His reason is because he doesn't want to reflexively say "I love you", which would dilute it and cause it to become less meaningful.
I mean, I understand the sentiment. And "thank you" is better than "I know", I guess, but there's a better solution- don't say "I love you" reflexively. Even if the reason you're saying it is because someone just said it to you, say it back mindfully and intentionally. It's not that hard.
I used to be down on rituals that were the same over multiple iterations- the most obvious example being the Catholic Mass, and on a smaller scale, saying the rosary. You can see people rushing through the words, memorized years or decades ago, and the memorization allowing them to plow through the text without thinking, their minds a million miles away.
It almost encourages inattentive, mindless, rote recital. Why would anyone want to make that a part of their spiritual path? I didn't get it until I went to a BOTA Vibratory Attunement. It involves singing and repeating phrases from a script; there were a couple of other BOTA rituals I attended that involve memorizing a script. When I experienced a group of people reciting the same words with clear, focused intent, then I finally got it. Memorizing the words allows your 'reading' brain to get out of the way. But what your brain does in lieu of that is where things can go in the direction of unthinking recitation, or of powerful intent. Not focusing on reading words off a page gives you more room to imbue the words with concentration, visualization, and infuse what is coming out of your mouth with your full, undivided, focused attention. The thought that others have said these same words and may in fact be saying them at the same time as you are lends even more juice to the ritual. Then the task (whatever that happens to be) becomes increasingly more powerful with each additional voice.
That last bit doesn't really apply to "I love you". But the rest does. When someone tells me "I love you", rather than just snap back an automatic reply, I like to take a breath, look in their eyes if it's not awkward, and really feel what they are saying to me. Then I want to honor the gift I've just been given, and the best way to do that is to repeat that powerful spell right back to them. It takes emotional energy, but having it said to me has given me emotional energy so I have it to spare. How much more powerful and meaningful to do this rather than to dispense a thoughtless reaction, though they might sound the same if you're not really paying attention. And how much more meaningful to return the gift rather than collect it with "thank you" or a similar sentiment that denotes observation but not exchange.
And besides, one of the most important lessons my mom tried to teach me was to always tell people you love them, even when it's scary or difficult. You never know what will come of it, or if it's your last chance to tell them. I don't want to be on my deathbed and think that I wished I'd told people that I loved them more often. Even if I've already told you before- change is constant. The person saying it now is not the same person who said it to you before, nor is the person it's being it's being said to. You never step into the same river twice.
*deep breath* I love you.
I mean, I understand the sentiment. And "thank you" is better than "I know", I guess, but there's a better solution- don't say "I love you" reflexively. Even if the reason you're saying it is because someone just said it to you, say it back mindfully and intentionally. It's not that hard.
I used to be down on rituals that were the same over multiple iterations- the most obvious example being the Catholic Mass, and on a smaller scale, saying the rosary. You can see people rushing through the words, memorized years or decades ago, and the memorization allowing them to plow through the text without thinking, their minds a million miles away.
It almost encourages inattentive, mindless, rote recital. Why would anyone want to make that a part of their spiritual path? I didn't get it until I went to a BOTA Vibratory Attunement. It involves singing and repeating phrases from a script; there were a couple of other BOTA rituals I attended that involve memorizing a script. When I experienced a group of people reciting the same words with clear, focused intent, then I finally got it. Memorizing the words allows your 'reading' brain to get out of the way. But what your brain does in lieu of that is where things can go in the direction of unthinking recitation, or of powerful intent. Not focusing on reading words off a page gives you more room to imbue the words with concentration, visualization, and infuse what is coming out of your mouth with your full, undivided, focused attention. The thought that others have said these same words and may in fact be saying them at the same time as you are lends even more juice to the ritual. Then the task (whatever that happens to be) becomes increasingly more powerful with each additional voice.
That last bit doesn't really apply to "I love you". But the rest does. When someone tells me "I love you", rather than just snap back an automatic reply, I like to take a breath, look in their eyes if it's not awkward, and really feel what they are saying to me. Then I want to honor the gift I've just been given, and the best way to do that is to repeat that powerful spell right back to them. It takes emotional energy, but having it said to me has given me emotional energy so I have it to spare. How much more powerful and meaningful to do this rather than to dispense a thoughtless reaction, though they might sound the same if you're not really paying attention. And how much more meaningful to return the gift rather than collect it with "thank you" or a similar sentiment that denotes observation but not exchange.
And besides, one of the most important lessons my mom tried to teach me was to always tell people you love them, even when it's scary or difficult. You never know what will come of it, or if it's your last chance to tell them. I don't want to be on my deathbed and think that I wished I'd told people that I loved them more often. Even if I've already told you before- change is constant. The person saying it now is not the same person who said it to you before, nor is the person it's being it's being said to. You never step into the same river twice.
*deep breath* I love you.
