formerly mielikki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
austin_tycho) wrote2003-03-20 09:43 am
austin_tycho) wrote2003-03-20 09:43 am
Entry tags:
3 years
Hub and I have been married for 3 years as of yesterday. Despite other unpleasantness in world nooz that I am basically trying to ignore for now (it's my coping mechanism, so sue me) I had a great day. I gave him his present- a fancy-ass lead-crystal port wine glass (yeah, they seem to have a different glass for every type of wine) and a bottle of Sandeman Tawny. The anniversary list said that 3rd gifts were traditionally leather, or glass/crystal for modern. We have pretty much all the leather sex-related items we need, and leather clothing is neat-o but really pretty hot for Texas. Which is too bad, because Utilikilt has a leather kilt now that looks good, but meh. It's rather spendy too. Anyway, so he likes port and I seem to get him port at every holiday- this was no exception.
We went out to eat at Piccolo's, which used to be Mama Mia's before they closed due to taxes. I miss their old martini menu, but the dinner was excellent as always (my meal- arrabiata alla penne, if you're curious). Then we went to Dr.Chocolate for tasty dessert. In addition to dipping anything and everything in chocolate, they also do fantastic ice creams, so I had a scoop each of chocolate orange and chocolate mint. No, they didn't really go together but I couldn't make up my mind and I just ate them separately. They were both great. Then home, to try a bit of port in the fancy glass (I drank mine in a big margarita glass with a cactus for a stem) and amazing anniversary boffing. I tried not to think about the %^&@#! war, but it was tough at times; I'm really upset about it but will save it for another entry. I got pretty keyed up, though, as sometimes happens with really good sex, so I watched a really awful vampire movie ('The Forsaken') and read until close to 3am.
I was thinking about being in a relationship, and where I came from. I was always pissed off when I was single to hear people tell me that I could never be in a relationship until I was able to be okay with being alone. But for all that it pissed me off, even then I knew there was truth to the statement. I never got to the point where I was thrilled to be alone, but I got to where I could enjoy lots of things and go on spur of the moment trips with friends and see other couples and not burn with envy. It was more of a 'yeah, I think I would like that someday' sort of thing, the same way I looked at people with nice homes. I think it comes down to having the sort of outlook where you try to enjoy life whatever your situation is, a facet of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
todfox's Ethical Hedonism. There's always shit to be depressed about, but there's also stuff that's good too. And while one can go too far and 'settle', I think there is a balance you can reach.
But you know what? Today I don't have to be happy with being single, because I'm not. And it's easier for me to be happy when I'm with someone. I hope I'm not coming across as gloating, but there were too many times when I was younger when I would be happy about something, and someone would try to smack me down, saying 'don't brag! Don't gloat! It's arrogant and selfish!' so I would shut up in the name of selflessness and humility. But fuck that shit now. I love being married. I love having a husband. I feel like I have someone to stand/sit/lie beside me and keep me company as I sail the seas of eternity, or some fancy crap like that. And I'm really, really glad, because while I still feel lonely occasionally, I feel it a lot less often now. Ever since I was a little sprog I can remember sometimes being surrounded by people and feeling lonely and isolated- I'm not sure why, but I got overwhelmed by this feeling more than once. I remember sitting in my room and weeping, I must have been seven years old or so, because I felt so lonely. But having a deep connection with someone makes that feeling retreat (I think it will always be back there somewhere), and I am thankful for every second that I have someone to love and depend on and who loves and can depend on me. The short of it is that having someone beside you to share life is just very cool, and I'm very happy about it.
We went out to eat at Piccolo's, which used to be Mama Mia's before they closed due to taxes. I miss their old martini menu, but the dinner was excellent as always (my meal- arrabiata alla penne, if you're curious). Then we went to Dr.Chocolate for tasty dessert. In addition to dipping anything and everything in chocolate, they also do fantastic ice creams, so I had a scoop each of chocolate orange and chocolate mint. No, they didn't really go together but I couldn't make up my mind and I just ate them separately. They were both great. Then home, to try a bit of port in the fancy glass (I drank mine in a big margarita glass with a cactus for a stem) and amazing anniversary boffing. I tried not to think about the %^&@#! war, but it was tough at times; I'm really upset about it but will save it for another entry. I got pretty keyed up, though, as sometimes happens with really good sex, so I watched a really awful vampire movie ('The Forsaken') and read until close to 3am.
I was thinking about being in a relationship, and where I came from. I was always pissed off when I was single to hear people tell me that I could never be in a relationship until I was able to be okay with being alone. But for all that it pissed me off, even then I knew there was truth to the statement. I never got to the point where I was thrilled to be alone, but I got to where I could enjoy lots of things and go on spur of the moment trips with friends and see other couples and not burn with envy. It was more of a 'yeah, I think I would like that someday' sort of thing, the same way I looked at people with nice homes. I think it comes down to having the sort of outlook where you try to enjoy life whatever your situation is, a facet of
todfox's Ethical Hedonism. There's always shit to be depressed about, but there's also stuff that's good too. And while one can go too far and 'settle', I think there is a balance you can reach. But you know what? Today I don't have to be happy with being single, because I'm not. And it's easier for me to be happy when I'm with someone. I hope I'm not coming across as gloating, but there were too many times when I was younger when I would be happy about something, and someone would try to smack me down, saying 'don't brag! Don't gloat! It's arrogant and selfish!' so I would shut up in the name of selflessness and humility. But fuck that shit now. I love being married. I love having a husband. I feel like I have someone to stand/sit/lie beside me and keep me company as I sail the seas of eternity, or some fancy crap like that. And I'm really, really glad, because while I still feel lonely occasionally, I feel it a lot less often now. Ever since I was a little sprog I can remember sometimes being surrounded by people and feeling lonely and isolated- I'm not sure why, but I got overwhelmed by this feeling more than once. I remember sitting in my room and weeping, I must have been seven years old or so, because I felt so lonely. But having a deep connection with someone makes that feeling retreat (I think it will always be back there somewhere), and I am thankful for every second that I have someone to love and depend on and who loves and can depend on me. The short of it is that having someone beside you to share life is just very cool, and I'm very happy about it.
yay!
:::hugs:::
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no subject
--yansa!
(... and I didn't get a "gloating" vibe from this post at all, BTW. I wanted to let you know that. You rock :) )
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